The Cure for Contradiction

One guy said that the worst thing about not needing glasses, is that you can’t stop and adjust them.

In the midst of his speech, the speaker spoke the phrase, “In the meantime,” and from the crowd came the comeback cry, “Hell, around here there ain’t no mean time.”

The cure for all contradiction is an additional dimension.

Everything’s fair game where vivacious intelligence is not an endangered species.

Everyone made up everything they know. (Or, Life made it up for them…one or the other.)

Anything that can be satisfactorily divided into two, can be killed.

Attention Shoppers:

“Is there a Solomon in the house?  If so keep him away from your underage ideas.”

J.

The Landscape Says It All

Although they don’t bother to advertise the fact, constant use of stupidity will produce frequent flyer bonus points.

The Question Of The Day is:

Are you going to say something familiar, or make me mad?

The landscape says it all.

A tree taken from France to Spain is still a tree,

if you think the same is true for an idea,

your dictionary needs watering.

At last month’s Ole Soreheads’ conclave, Sunday night’s semi-featured speaker kicked his podium and shouted, “All of the really great stuff’s already been done – let the criticism begin.”

Some parts of the world still aren’t up to speed…hey you – quit lookin’ out the window.

J.

PBJ Sandwich Anyone?

Don’t pronounce that which is too stable.

One fearless fellow announced: “Part of what I say is based on what I know.”

After listening to the patient’s comments and rambles for a charitable length of time, the brain doctor announced, “You saying that you don’t care whether you lose your mind or not tell me one of two things,” (and from behind a curtain the doc’s brother added), “And that goes big for me.”

A Revolutionist’s intellect and that which it perceives, should be like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

One of the mom’s main jobs is to make the story fit the headline.

J.

The Rules of the Game

One king told himself, (and any of his kids that would hear), that once you’re on stage you better have either a talent, a cause or a claque.

If your superior gets curious…take a sick leave.

Anyone who can tell you “what is wrong with you,” does not know what is wrong with you.

If you’re going out to play, you can go out as far as you like.

Do remember this rule regarding Secondary games, (and not the confused version generally used in the City), to wit:  If you can’t lose, you can’t play.

J.

Ambiguity

Everyone – yes that is a lot, but everyone, has a number they hate, but it is generally kept secret until seven minutes before you die.

Even ideas that seem ambiguous, can tell you something.

Some are put off by the mere invitation to attend.

One solar system whose orbit began to wobble – not throb, said, “I’ll act humble if it will help.”

All real Revolutionists, over in This one sector, are threatening to totally drop the word “really”…(next, they’ll probably take on, “totally”, you watch.)

J.

The Invisible Sheep

The limits of thought are right where you think they are.’

Turgidity needs the best P.R.

An institution, a covenant, a philosophy, separate from the people who support and believe in it, is an invisible sheep in history’s clothing.

Around these parts, it is hard to be memorable while you’re still alive.

(This could have something to do with water, the way we tell time, or the number of dimensions – who knows.)

If you’re gonna work in someone else’s backyard, at least be quiet about it.

Just the Facts, Ma'm

To make up an idea is not the same as to make up a fact…but it’s close.

Oh, alright, for you melodramaticists – have it your way;

Everyone’s life is falling apart!

All rumors are true.

Most great ideas
can be said
in four words.
Sometimes five,
sometimes three.

Although they don’t bother to advertise the fact, constant use of stupidity will produce frequent flyer bonus points.

J.

Words Cause Guilt

“Hooray, and congratulations, you’ve passed the test.”

“Hey, don’t bull-shove me, I know they change the test every day.”

“Hip, hip, hooray again, you’ve just passed the test.”

There was this one guy, (okay, there wasn’t really, but without this façade the first part of the sentence is missing, so, okay), there was this guy who was always bad-mouthing intellectual and scientific activities, and particularly, mathematics, until one day he ran up against the Large Super Prime Number who told him, “You better watch, little half-squirt, ‘cause I can prove statistically that you don’t even exist.”  And, for gosh sakes, the feller was so shocked by this perturbing possibility that he hence forth kept his numerical opinions to his little self.

Words
cause
guilt.

This one god told his main franchisee, “Hey, ease up, it’s just a job.”

One observer said, “This kinda stuff is like shorthand for long handed stuff that didn’t make sense to start with.”

Every day, at high noon, whenever he and his henchmen were in a typical western town, this one guy would “call himself out” for a showdown.

J.

Stop-Gap Measures

One day the ole man called all the kids around him and said, “Jeeze, all you little nippers have proved to be a real pain in the ole neural-kazoozer.”  And they all laughed, and clapped their hands, and jumped about squealing and shouted, “We, know, we know, that’s why we’re us and you’re you!”  And the oldster bit on his lip for a bit, and said, “Hell, I could have figured that out for myself.”  (Then he squealed about for a little while.)

Race Update: Hormones are still ahead.

The first thing, every morning that some conservatively constructed men do is ask themselves, “Is this ‘every morning,’ and is this the ‘first thing’ I’m doing?”  (After this, all seems to roll right along for them.)

To help lessen Plebian entanglements, you might care to note that, “Stop gap measures,” are the only ones available.

Over in one neural universe, on a certain skull planet, the kid and the ole man were sitting around the bare spot in the backyard when an uncle suddenly stood and declared, “No man has truly arrived until he’s written his autobiography.”  And after a period of polite silence, the lad asked, “Dad, exactly what destination does he have in mind?”  And the progenitor replied, “You should grant great leeway, latitude and indifference, to signals from side-track ancestors.”  And the uncle said, “Okay, have it your way, but I’ll be back.”

You should realize by now that what might be operationally correct on an obscure hill-side site, may be irrational and fallacious down in the City, for instance, up in the Revolutionist Camp the following is said:  “The greatest book ever written doesn’t make any difference.”

J.

Questions & Answers

Question posed at recent Questioner & Posers Convention:

Does it bother you some that intellectuals don’t have unions?

All motion conveys information.

All the rest is background.

People who use a lot of prepositions should be respected...(or feared).

Yeah sure, once one person says it EVERYbody’ll say it…

J.

Chipping in for the Beer

In as transcendental fashion unnecessary to presently pursue, it can be said that:  What’s eruptible Is corruptible.  (Oh, all right, we could postscript that only the coroner presides over an all bones choir.)

Remember this:

Gullliver didn’t actually GO anywhere. (And Bunyon’s blisters were not from an extended walk.)

Words To Live And Fight By: If they’re holding their noses, don’t attack.

At one time, a group of guys decided to become an official “group of guys,” to periodically meet for the purpose of “Praising Famous Men,” until they discovered that most of the Famous Men they wanted to praise wouldn’t come to their meetings, and for the few who did, most of them didn’t want to chip in for the beer.

At one time, on one world, one army had as it motto:  “Kill or be killed.”

(Pardon me, but I do tend to get a bit over-come when face to face with such unexpected intelligence.)

J.

The First Circle

For a Revolutionist, that which is possible soon becomes necessary.

You should be pleased that you don’t, or someday might, live in this one world you’ve never heard about.  According to some reliable reports the way to pass for wise over there is to be able to convincingly act as though what you know now, you’ve always known.

Although now forgotten, the original, real hero of the homo sapiens, was he with the verve, nerve and intelligence who ventured out and drew the first circle.

Our subversive, intellectual Revolution is not something that’s “done to Life,” but is something Life’s considering doing to Itself.

In defense of his quarrelsome attitude, one fellow offered the following, “I would not be nearly so sarcastic where I not alive.”

J.

Snake in the Grass

Everyone’s partner is a snake-in-the-grass, and you are the grass.

To be militantly opposed to something, is to be just as threatened, if not captured, as are your opposition.

The sound of a guy who inadvertently almost knew what he was talking about:

Quote:  “Listen, I don’t care about nothin’, except what I care about.”

(On some soft, sultry, summer afternoonies, don’t you long for the halcyon days of cerebral horse shows back when closeness counted?)

Two guys on the bench, one turns to the other and says, “Hey, you tell me your troubles, then I’ll tell you your troubles.”

I hear tell of a fellow who, after a full realization of the nature of his inner dialogue, later got so peeved that he wouldn’t even talk to himself.

You know you’ve gotten somewhere, when you’ve reached such a point that you couldn’t look back if you wanted to.

J.

The Ultimate Explanation

Silence can be The Ultimate explanation.

News Item From The Front, (includes also parts of the Rear):

The Minister of Foreign Affairs announced today; “We have just this evening, brought about a cessation of active hostilities between us and them, due in no small measure to the growing awareness of our common economic interests, our combined concerns for ecological stability, and the intelligence and talents of our negotiators to sit at the same table, and civilly discuss our differences, all of this combined with a fackin’ miracle.”

(You probably gotta listen pretty quick to this one):

A most useful expression in the human language is the phrase, “You could say,” since you can say, “You could say,” even when you can’t – really.

There’s no denying it, Freedom’s a funny feeling.

Left-overs have a mind of their own.

J.

The Alarming Truth About Everything

Power
always seeks
someone else’s
level.

Whilst pursuing a periodical in my last visit to the City, I came across what may prove to be the ultimate piece of conservative thinking; it was an article entitled, “The Alarming Truth About Everything.”

Memory’s not important, unless you’re going to talk about it later.

The locals
are generally
the first
conscripted.

Fun is what you have with others, happiness is what you have alone.

J.

The Fire Chief

One reader wrote to tell me that not only is this his favorite, non commercial news, but also to tell me that in his opinion no society can truly call itself civilized until the Fire Chief is an elected position.

Not all problems will go away if you simply ignore them – BUT, all the good ones will.

In the subversive, revolutionary life up on the hillside, peace is just a flawed synonym for “perpetual uneasiness.”

Gluttonous graffiti on one planet’s wall:

First Life handed man religion to condemn him, then psychology to excuse him – Mein Got, what next?”

The only difference between an opponent, and a proponent, is in the spelling of their names.

Oh yeah, and another reader wrote in to complain…

J.

The Great Light Bulb Wars

Anything thought of by man, if not immediately useful for you, will be later, and is already for someone else.

A shout from out the crowd came, “Okay, alright…okay…then tell me this: if women are not to blame for all this, then just by god, who is?”

All of man’s ideas, activities, and institutions are organic, sentient and electric.

What ordinary men call irony, is actually mislabeled resistance.

Over in that little near world, (of which I’m already suspicious), above the bar in a certain saloon hangs this sign:  “If We Can’t Joyfully Feed Stuff To Our Brains, To Make Us Once Again, Raging Beasts, What’s The Use Of Even Living In The City.”  (Very suspicious indeed…by the by, you ever notice, by now how some things are so true they seem silly, and some things are so silly they seem true?)

Never forget “The Great Light Bulb Wars.”

J.

Rubber Reality

The newest toy over in the Green Parallel Galaxy is “Rubber Reality”.

Position’s not everything, but juxta-position is.

One well known ole sorehead, (he’s not all that well known, but who’s keeping score – “Yoo Hoo, I am” – never  mind all this impertinence, back to the bloody story), this ole ruffled-one says, “If you ain’t gonna feel guilty, why bother to get up.”

“Okay,” said the voice, “Let me see if I can make my point this way: Let me ask you, would you use a cheap gauge to check the pressure in expensive tires?”  (Point made, piece captured, square taken, case closed.)

If it’s not paradoxical,
it’s not even doxical.

J.

Emotions Don't Make Mistakes

Although he certainly can be physically injured and killed, the Revolutionist’s inner aspects cannot be damaged or insulted, in that the simple cannot harm the complex.

Short commentary on the Bountiful Nature of Dualist Reality:

The two most important musical forms yet produced by man are, Classical, Jazz, Soft and Hard Rock, Easy Listening, and Country.

Emotions don’t make mistakes, people do.

Under local conditions, there never seems to be any “let up.”

Although it seems pretty obvious by now, I guess even the obvious deserves its own subversive bulletin board, so let’s post this:  “The nature of life, is the nature of man, and the structure of Life is the frame of human consciousness.”

The critic can never see the entirety of his subject.

J.

The History of Rock n' Roll

Based on recent discoveries of some scrolls in a cave near Damascus, it is now clear that rock and roll began in 537 B.C. not 1955.  (Remember, when only time dictates history, only dictators will have time or, only time can take history’s dictation…only, ah forget it.)

A man with no intellectual inferior has yet to make his own acquaintance.

Note:  The current debate is always raging.

One not-so-far-away listener writes to me as follows:

“If there is any real hard-ball-justice afoot in this life, historians would be our kings, the dead our priests, and bank robbers our economists.”

In the sponsored, and apparent race between the sexes, men rely on the horrific, the heroic and the honorable; women on hormones, hormones and hormones…at this point women remain ahead.

J.