Time Connections

One high-stepping kid told a playmate, “I guess the most memorable advice I ever received from my father was, ‘Don’t count your chickens.’”  And later as his buddy was relating this episode to his brother, he noted, “Not only is that so-called notable advisement weird, since the kid has no chickens, I’ll tell you something weirder – I don’t think that kid’s GOT an old man.”

Then a real loud voice proclaimed…wait a minute…try it like this:  Then over the solar, neural P.A. system, a real loud voice announced, “Okay, all of you already on the playground can stay, the rest of you – BACK TO WORK!”

The closer you get to manifold time, the more things congregate, and separate, revealing their true connections.

Attempting to steer her in proper vocational directions, one father said to his daughter, “Kid, I just don’t think you’re brittle enough to be a Romantic poet.”

To some minds the concept of a “tyrant with a heart” seems anomalous. while in some parallel futures he is the messiah pro tem.

J.

Weekend Question

Question:  “Say, look here, where’s it written that you’ve GOT to be ordinary?”

Answer: “Why, in the Great Ordinary Book, of course.”

One father incessantly asked his son, “Don’t you get it…come on kid, don’t you get it?”  He kept up this question day after day, month after month, year after year. until one day the lad “saw the light,” understood the purpose of the old man’s badgering and realized quite clearly that he was NEVER going to get it.

“Okay, you officers, grab that loose info over there, and bring along those loitering incongruities…throw ‘em ALL in the van, we’ll take ‘em downtown and let the Sarge sort it out later.”

I had this one, what do you call ‘em…person, yeah, man, chap, fellow, tell me that in his younger days, one of his real pleasures was in “singing to himself,”  that is, he adds, until he discovered he was tone deaf.

In this one time zone I know about, a fellow read in one of those book things the following: “There is nothing the body may suffer that the soul may not profit by.”  And he was so smooshed and dazzled thereby, that he went about repeating it for days, “There is nothing the body may suffer that the soul may not profit by.”  Then recounting it to himself for Months – Years, until his moment hit him – “Wait just a minute here, if there is ‘nothing the body may suffer that the soul may not profit from,’, and if ‘Two plus two equals four.’ but four plus four does not equal two, then there just may be a way out of this mad house that even our forefathers didn’t suspect.”  And one of his silent ancestors said, “Hah, what do you think YOU are.”

J.

Me and Not-Me

One kid thought, “I have the sensation of 'me,' and I suppose I’m supposed to have a sensation of ‘not–me’…(but they would still both meet in the sensation of me…”)

Of the gangsterial neural families, two are preeminently visible: The one that seeks the least ill, and the one that strives for the most good…Thus, are all the rackets run.

Over on a certain foggy planet, this one chap would faithfully end his daily radio show by saying, “Be sure and tune in again tomorrow,” which was a waste of his time, since no one there had a radio…but then again it turns out to be less of a waste once it was discovered that the planet had no tomorrow anyway.  (Personally Added Editor’s Note:  There IS a kind of fairness, parity and justice loose in the universe, it’s just that most folks aren’t attracted enough by it to stop and say, “Howdy.”)

A fellow over in Over World decided that on some days he would speak to express emotion, and on alternate days to convey information; he commenced his new efforts on schedule, and pursued them with vigor and fidelity…no one, however, however, noticed.

One chap exclaimed, “I never feel more alive than when I’m ill,” and a passing visitor mused, “Think how excited he’ll be when he dies.”

J.

The Parade

May I be allowed the pleasure to “assume” that by now many of you, when you hear the word, “opposite,” think in its stead such symbols as, “counterpart,” and “collaborator.”  (May I have this small comfort?)

One guy, paddling about in a stream off the main thinking river, reached over the side, splashed a little water on his face and announced to his by-then, non-existent troops, “You know, if you had a ‘real good’ plan you wouldn’t even have to go on.”

“Although I am indeed,” proclaimed this one chap, “pleased to have learned that the species is spacious enough for all individuals, and the universe big enough for all localities, my supreme delight is in discovering that I am large enough for all my me’s.”

One who can see far away, (dimensionally speaking), might plot a map covering time, not space, and one anxious for a grand excursion might be able to chemically translate such a document.

No need to arise any earlier for a good parade route spot, for the triumphant armies are passing right through you.

J.

Never Give Your First Opinion

On some worlds everyone’s still “looking for the messiah,” but no one wants to see him coming.

Thus spaketh the noun, “If religion was psychology things would be different.”  And the verb said, “If thinking was action, things would be different.”  And an adverbial in-law injected, “Shucks, ya’ll, if things were different things would be different.”

One middle aged planet wrote to his young satellite, away at school, “If you suspect they may also ask someone else, never give your first opinion.”  P.S. “They’ll always ask your opinion.”

An imaginary New Space minister exhorted his feckless flock just so, “No need, my friends, to worry yourselves over the loose, gossiping tongues of your human neighbors, ‘cause after you’re dead, history will talk about everybody.”

I heard tell of this one, still-trying-to-find-itself planet, whereon they have a masked, silver screen hero known by the handle of “El Perhaps-O.”

J,

Some Hot Questions Have Cool Answers

One little musically mangled man liked to refer to his own thinking skills as, “my intellectual divertimento.”

First Verse to A Song With An Uncertain Chorus:

“If you can think fast enough you don’t have to think all that much.”

Second Verse:

“If you can think enough your speed is of no importance.”

Third Verse:

“The first two verses are fatally flawed.”

I am acquainted with this one man who says that one of the great joys of his life is in “reading to his son.” Curious aspects to this:  First, I can assure you that what he said is the absolute truth, and the other two things are that he is illiterate and childless.

The first voice said, “Sometimes when I get alone and think of me I almost cry.”  And his sibling voice asked, “Out of loneliness…sadness?”  “No – disbelief.”

Sometimes hot questions have cool answers…and yeah, sometimes hot questions aren’t all that hot.

J.

The Future is Friction

A “Fable For Someone Else’s Time”:   A whale sighed, “It’s hard to be humble when you’re the largest thing in the sea.”  And the waters replied, “Ho-hum.”

An unpublished pharmacist I met at a recent soiree, told me that his overriding concern in life was that his own brain wouldn’t take him seriously.  (I’m not absolutely certain, but I think I heard his frontal lobes go, “Ho-hum.”)

A Rule Of Thumb
For The One Handed:

Only those
with symptoms
can find
a diagnosis.

(Parenthetical Corollary):

Only those
with symptoms
DESERVE
a diagnosis.

This one fellow says, “Oddly enough, when I’m away from home, I feel most like myself.”  And oddly enough his near-twin added that, “Strangely enough,” he almost felt conversely.  (In the psyche-garment trade, I believe this is known as an “odd lot.”)

The future is caused by friction; thus, eliminate competition and be free of tomorrow.

J.

Don't Look Off

Don’t look off while loading.

On this one planet, they have an alternate genesis myth that says everything was created simultaneously, and after that, each part merely discovers, rediscovers, and expands its discovery of every other part.

We’re all being held responsible…and this within the framework, and outside the framework, of man not actually being so.

Over in the park this one rather lengthy chap ignored the soap boxes, and benches, and climbed directly into a fashionable elm and cried out, “So long as the word ‘ambiguous’ is open to interpretation, we’re all in-for-it!”

Whilst out surveying history and other wild creatures with his charge, a father said, “Son, ponder and remember this: If the Siege Of Troy had not actually occurred, men would have had to invent it.”  (Reply), “But Pa Pa, ‘tis fairly well accepted now that it ‘twas mere fantasy.”  (Confident sire says), “See!”

J.

See It or Don't

Over on a certain planet the cry of one young group was, “If we can’t change the world, at least we can change ourselves, and if we can’t change ourselves, at least we can change the world.”  (I must look back in on them one day.)

Inscription on a public building of an obscure civilization as yet to be rediscovered, it reads:  “Would there be the need for us to, ‘Pull Ourselves Together,’ were we not constructed to fly apart?”  (Perhaps, “rediscover” is too kind a word…perhaps.)

Believe It Or Not, See It Or Don’t, it’s still staring at you from right over the hill – all of life is a matter of conflicting common interests.

An author with a typewriter in his bathroom may be considered a serious threat.

“Whoa, don’t say that.”

“Don’t say what?”

“I thought you were going to say that everything’s a fait accompli.”

“Whoa, then I won’t say that.”

“Whoa – Phew!”

J.

Once is Not Enough

For all you news junkies, and info fans, don’t get all concerned over the questions of “inaccurate items,” “unsubstantiated stories,” and “unconfirmed reports.”  After all, the human intellect RUNS on rumor.

If all you have is a “one lifetime view,” then one lifetime won’t be enough.

"Remember son, eat everything on your plate –  including the plate.”

All political, social and economic theories are worthless...and you can really forget those that can be proven.

If you like, I can fairly wrap up the earlier speaker’s comments for those of you who arrived late; he seemed to imply that within the realm of strictly it all comes down to a skirmish of “reason versus a hope burger.”

J.

The Kiddie Version

There is, of course, the “kiddie version” of the Revolutionist’s ark wherein there are at least two views of everything.

There’s gonna be this one guy who always brought his own drugs and entertainment with him wherever he went, even when empty handed at a nudist colony.

One rainy day, while his little grey cells were just sitting around noodling, one group of them said, “Only those who can hear the difference between Haydn and Mozart know the difference.”  And shortly, another cellular collection replied, “But only those who know that there is a difference between Haydn and Mozart can hear a difference.”  And finally the man himself spoke up and said, “Would you repeat that last part again?”  And quite startled, both groups yelled, “Who said that!?”

One young lad, in his burgeoning attempt to become his own advisor and philosopher, said to himself, “What is the good of having something if you’re just going to use it.”  (Well, I told you his efforts were inchoate.)

The “external” world is a perfectly beautiful metaphor for your “internal” one, for the very reasons you should have now come to suspect.

J.

Pure Wool

Don’t be a sophomore in a junior world…(oh yeah, and P.S.:  Don’t be a junior in a junior world.)

Another snippet of another conversation:  “Well, look on the bright side, those with the most to lose, lose the most.”

A “fully functional” government, including an intellectual one, always includes the “loyal opposition.”

Pure wool checks
bounce
in polyester banks.

In a para-lateral, up-coming world, a guy told me that he was gonna, “turn up the heat,” by substituting the word “but” every time he wanted to say “and.”

J.

Bubbles

As one mother advised her daughter, “Hey, if champagne didn’t have bubbles, it’d be as clumsy as everyone else.”

Snippet of overheard conversation:  “We don’t wanna be accused, of shooting philosophers in a barrel.”

The father took up his serious sitting position and said, “Son, describing a thing just so you’ll know what it is, is like drawing a picture of a horse so’s you can take a ride,…over to a place where they’re having a sale on corduroy.”  And the kid thought, “Is it possible that my very old man posed for the original pictorial definition of ‘going too far’?”

After concluding one of his more memorable bombasts in the speaker’s area of the City park, this one sweaty chap stepped down from his high box and soap hose, and leering right past me and several of the fine citizens exclaimed, “If you think I’m crazy now, you should have seen me tomorrow.”

Complex time is the supreme transportation system, in that it moves in all possible directions at once.

J.

Don't Let It Bug You

With apparent few other possibilities looming, he decided to bestow the honors and recognition on himself, so standing at his solitary table, he pronounced the following, “All that I have I give to thee; it is now all your, flourishing, ripe little brain cells as far as the eye can see.”

The more reluctant factors accuse their liberal brothers of pursuing that which is “too new and untested,” and cannot see that their definition of their own position that, “conservatism is adherence to the old and tried,” translates into the “did and died.”

Private Court Advice; For Your Eyes Only:  Don’t let it bug you; the king is ALWAYS threatening to recall this or that minister.

A visitor to a certain world, upon discovering their Supreme Idea and Operational Way To Go was embodied in the slogan, “It’s one thing to show a man his errors, but quite another to give him the truth,” decided that while some traveling is broadening, some is downright fattening.

On the final evening of the Intergalactic Scientific Conference, it was decided that he with the most awards, prizes, and honors would make the closing comments.  And when the good doctor was led to the microphone he had the following to say, “Fuck the inevitable laws of nature.”

J.

Passing Happiness

When it was more or less his turn, this one guy hushed the crowd and said, “Here is my theory, my own personal theory, I say that the only thing standing between me and the future is the past.”  There was polite applause, and he continued, “Thank you, thank you, that is my theory, and like many of you I oftimes think that it might be more than just a theory, and like the majority of you – I’m sick of it.”

One sho-‘nuff sorehead admonished his son, “What EVER you do, don’t ever exacerbate any passing happiness.”

Said the first fighter, “What I like best about threats is their low cost.”  And said the second, “My approval of threats is based on their efficiency.”  And the referee intruded, “Shut up, or I’ll tie your tongues together,” then …silence…..long……cheap……..silence.

There are enough Sisyphusian activities extant without you attempting to put hermits into herds, or giving pack rats individual tasks.

.

In an attempt to console the youngster, the ole sore head said, “Hey, don’t sweat it.  If worse comes to worse, and you just can’t make it as a critic you can always take up something that requires talent.”

J

Stuff It!

One of the speakers wrapped himself up via the following declamation: “Intelligence without humility is like a banquet without a telegram.”

Having no father of his own, this one kid gave himself some advice, “If you lose your place, you can go faster.”

As one Neural Subversive once told his charges, “If you really think this is tough, just remember that working solely for Life is the ultimate ball-buster.”

While waking, (that’s a misspelling, it should be, waiting), for the concert to begin, I borrowed a program and found that the composer had entitled his new symphony, “As I Look Back Over My Life, I Regret One Of Two Things: Either That I Had A Life, or That I Looked Back.  (Oops, gotta run the overture just overtook me.)

On this one planet, up near the humid zone, they have two major religious groups, one which says that, “The first death is the hardest.”  And another group says it is not.  (You might also be interested to know that, on their moon, two distinct systems likewise predominate, the one that says the first death is the hardest, and the other that says, “Stuff it!”)

J.

Precious Birds

Conversation overheard in a local library:

“Hey, listen to this quote, ‘The critic who first praises a book is second only to its author, honor and merit.’”  They both enjoyed some snorts and chortles, and one said, “What bricklayer you reckon wrote that.”

The president-elect of this one planet secured his victory by making the same speech at every corner of his world; he would mount the platform, look around intently at all assembled, then shrug and declare, “We’re ALL precious birds in a gilded cage.”

Sorehead Quote Of The Week:

Guy says, “When I was a younger man, I seriously tried to like those who disagreed with me, but now that I am no longer a child, I have not the time for foolish experiments.”

On this one, somewhat cautious, little world, they give “X ratings” and in some cases even prohibit movies that show full frontal intelligence.

One neural émigré asks of man, “If it is better to be ‘safe than sorry,’ would it then not be better to be dead than alive?”  (Can’t foreigners be downright disruptive.)

J.

Being Alive

If they begin to play music when you begin to walk – stop immediately.

Very first thing every morning, this one chap would have a thought, any ole random thought, just so’s, as he put it, he could “run a quick check on all his systems.”

On this one planet, over near the other side, they don’t ask much of their gods, only that they “get out of the way.”

Oh, I’ve been retelling tales about some guy calling up all the local communications companies trying to have “thought forwarding” hooked up to his brain.

Simply “being alive” is incestuous.

J.

What a Waste

One quadrant of a feller’s brain said, “I only report what has happened.”  And some passing, free radicals thought, “What a perfectly good waste.”

One ole' major instructed his soldierly son, “Don’t ever let them catch you crying, but if they do, tell ‘em it’s because you were just reflecting on their inevitable passing.”

Wait till those upset about the past get a load of the future.

Whilst visiting this suspiciously superior seeming planet, I saw a chap sitting in an impressive booth by a major thoroughfare with a banner overhead that read, “The Ultimate Secret Revealed, $12,000.00.”  (He told me it was to keep away the tire kickers.)

Well, once you’ve said “THAT” there’s really not much else to say now.

J.

Funny Shoes

According to reports, there’s a guy in a flashy suit with neon shoes hanging around in the park, who approaches people with children, and after a few perfunctory pats on the head asks, “How many miles you got on this kid?”  (The reports go on to note that some parents want this stopped, while others want more details regarding possible trade-ins.)

A man
with funny shoes
doesn’t care
where he walks.

It’s been reported that one Neural Subversive said that to finally “do this,” you’ve almost got to be an environment unto yourself.

If you’re
coming and going,
it doesn’t MATTER
whether you’re
coming, or going.

One sore head’s kid was admonished by a neighbor regarding his crude speech and behavior thusly, “Being considerate of other people’s feelings doesn’t cost you anything you know.”  And the lad retorted, “Say what?”  “That’s right, a little courtesy doesn’t cost you anything.”  The kid retired himself to a seat under a nearby tree and thought, “You know, if that old geezer is right, I’ll have to rethink my whole fuckin’ concept of mathematics.”

J.