Everything Resolves Itself
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You do indeed, seem involved in a mighty battle, but it is ultimately a struggle with a foe illusionary, (although, only apparently so).
The trick of “not telling yourself what you’re doing,” is in keeping the new knowledge and effort just outside the reach of the ordinary awareness of the established circuitry.
Everything ultimately resolves itself, (whether you, my ole darling, see it or not).
Almost anything one can normally think, say, or do is a hindrance to This Thing you seek to establish.
The older you get in ordinary time, the more surely, each morning, does Second Force call your name during the work line-up.
J.