People Sure Can Talk Funny

“And now it’s time to catch you up on Today’s News” …but then I thought, “That’s impossible; you can’t live long enough to ever catch up to date.”  Then I asked myself, “Well, how long would you like to live?”  And I said, “See, now that you’ve said that it’s even more impossible.”  (Apropos to little perhaps, but why does the phrase, “more impossible,” have such a satisfying – no, more than satisfying ring?)

I once heard of a doctor who claimed he could cure any human illness, and finding a loose Monday I tracked him to his lair, where I discovered that, indeed, he forthwith announced to every incoming patient he could cure all illness, but then informed of the person’s ailment, he quickly added, “Except that one.”  Eight years ago, I visited a planet that staged a curious event.  On a multi-dimensional track people would run off in three different directions.  And if you think that was peculiar, their newspaper had an athletic critic.

Part of the intricacy of speaking about This, is in making those assured of its complexity see its basic simplicity, and in making those who believe it is simple, see their own simplicity.  Human sentences do not display the same acceleration and braking speed as do their equations.

I once heard a voice from a near-by galaxy which cried, “No, don’t hit me again,” and the tone was serious enough to make me investigate.  But as I drew near a voice from another region declared, “Don’t be silly, you know suicide is impossible.”  (People sure can talk funny in other places.)

The Philosopher finished speaking; his words seemed to enlighten, his encouragements became self-fulfilling, and his mere presence appeared to heal and comfort.  His activities and reknown became such that many people flocked to him as students, and followers.  One particular person who was herein attracted, although duly impressed and inspired, was nonetheless sorely troubled over the possibility, as he put it, that the teacher could be a “fake.” 

One fine day he found himself alone, face to face with the great one, and after some hesitation and verbal fumbling laid out his fears that his chosen leader could possibly be a “fake.” At this, the ostensible teacher literally roared with laughter, and said, “Never-you-mind; it’s never-you-mind-time.  Don’t you know what an amazing Man it takes to truly fake things?”

J.