Conspiracy Theory

Finally the kid took the initiative and asked, “Say, ole man, don’t I get any advice for my life?”  And his father undertook a bit of perfunctory chin-rubbing and replied, “Son, when I first started out, I thought the shortest way to a goal would also be the dirtiest…but now, I just don’t know.”  The younger appeared to weigh this for a decent interlude and said, “That’s it? – That’s all you gotta say?”  And the elder replied, “Hey! What’da want?  It’s just advice.”

Early on a bright and what was hoped to be auspicious day, the State’s High priest pronounced over the troops, “The mind of the infidel will not prevail.”  And one guy wondered, “Does he mean over us or himself?”

One day, one of the minds overseeing this reality and its creatures said to one of his buds, “You do realize that if they didn’t believe in a conspiracy, we’d have to actually invent one.”

Whenever he was about to relay some bad news to himself, this one guy’d say, “Hey, I hate to do this to you – but not enough to – Hey!”

Just before we sent today's Daily News to press, a fax came into the office from a man who says he “seriously doubts” that squirrels would slip a note under someone’s door, and even if they did, they wouldn’t be stupid enough to sign it with a paw print.

J.